What is Wrong With Me?


Ball and Chain of Depression

Why am I so sad? Why am I hiding in the house by myself? Why don't I want to do anything, including getting dressed? Maybe they are right. I'm just fat, dumb and lazy. Why can't I just snap out of it? This is scary and I don't want to tell anyone something is wrong.

The doctor told me my TSH levels are fine, so maybe I am just a miserable person. Yes, it is called depression, and I've had it for a long time. Depression can happen to anyone, including you. Depression is real! Thousands of people lose years, sometimes decades of healthy happy living, due to depression. It is a real health issue but is swept under the carpet like it's a dirty word. We suffer in silence because we don't want to be seen as weak, or "The Crazy One" , or to be told, "you are just broken" and "not a good person".

Depression can, and will, make your whole body hurt. One's mental health can get a grip on your entire life, like a big green monster hiding under your bed. You know you have to go to bed at night, but you are petrified the monster is going to reach out from under the bed and grab you. Depression is the monster. You know you have responsibilities, but yet you are petrified that someone will see you, or even worse, want to talk to you. It can be horrifying. Depression is a feeling like being in a black hole. It's scary to be in a world of solitude, regret, poor choices, poor diet, noticeable weight gain or weight loss.

Depression can take a good grip of every aspect of your life, to the point of suicidal thoughts. Depression can ruin your life. Simple things you did everyday, without giving it a second thought, now give you significant anxiety. Having a fork in your eye would be easier than actually have to interact with another human.

Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about, despite the old fashion stigma. But remeber, you are not alone. If you recognize signs in someone you care about, talk to them. Say what you mean and mean what you say, but don't be mean saying it. You could save a life. Depression can be talked about, and it can be treated.

Depression can be a mask to a physical issue. Depression can often be a result of a chemical imbalance, and it can be treated. If you know something is wrong and you don't know who you are anymore GET Help!! Don't take no for an answer. Don't stop until you are satisfied that you are being heard and helped. Be your own advocate! No, I'm not a doctor, therapist or anything the like. I'm just a women who was told to "stop looking for attention and grow up".

Listen to your body, as no one else can hear it, or feel it. I've been labeled a lot of things but, never a quitter, so I fought until 1 person heard me. My Congenital Hypothyroidism had spun out of control because I was not being properly treated by doctors I trusted. Many physical issues can masquerade as mental illness, just as mine did.

Finally at 51, my life is turning around for the better, and I want to get out of bed in the morning again. I'm not so afraid anymore of the Big Green Monster under the bed. Recovering from the long term effects is going to be work, but I do see the rainbow at the end of the path. PLEASE PLEASE don't give up!! Reach out to someone! Make the call! Do for yourself what you would do for someone else, YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

National Suicide Prevention Hotline-------1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Chat Hotline-------Text GO to 741741

Suicide Prevention Chat-------www.suicidestop.com