When The Fog Lifts
Hello Hello, Was it all a bad dream or was it real? Have you ever woken up in the morning really mad at someone but you don't know why? Sometimes it can take a while to realize it was just a dream that you had.
Is it possible to sleep for decades like Rip Van Winkle? He went for a nap to avoid dealing with the negativity of his wife only to wake 20 years later. When he did wake up his wife had already passed away.
Fairy Tales, bad dreams or avoidance can all be ways that people may shield themselves from something unpleasant. To a point it can be as fun or as romantic as a fairy tale. At what point does someone become unable to separate fact from fiction, or fantasy and reality.
Dealing with Congenital Hypothyroidism my whole life with little to no education or support I hit a wall head on. It was very ugly! Now, being on all new medications for the past 18 months it seems as though so much of it was a bad dream, no a nightmare. So many things that I thought were one thing are actually something else, yes weird. Even people who I thought I wanted to be just like I no longer do, NO WAY!
Most of my life I wanted to be almost anyone besides me. With years of stinking thinking about myself in every way I honestly believed all that was said to me as a kid. You are stupid, dumb and lazy just to mention a few. The brain fog and exhaustion were such an everyday feeling I figured I couldn't do things without a struggle because I was tired. This now contributes to poor self esteem. Poor self esteem can lead to many poor choices, too many.
Since I hit the wall head on the damage to repair has been very costly and time consuming. Many people that I thought loved the car thought it should just be totaled and put out to pasture. A couple people encouraged me to save it and some of them stood by me while it's in the process of being fixed.
I feel like my windows were tinted and pin stripes were added. Coming out of the fog and realizing that many people that I had on such a pedestal didn't belong there. People that you would think would stand by your side were one of your biggest poisonous apples. I was so quick my whole life to accept criticism I never realized the biggest critics were the biggest hypocrites. The biggest bullies have so many insecurities I should give them my therapists name and number.
With the brain fog gone and feeling pretty good physically I also see more of the life long consequences of CH. Sometimes when I want to tell someone something I have a hard time getting my sentences together. My memory with simple things
isn't so wonderful. Four trips up and down the stairs to get my crockpot!! My punctuation and structure when I write is colorful at best. Being graceful is not a strong point either. My son loves watching me fall or trip over my own 2 feet. Trying to get my website and other social media together has been an 8 month challenge and I still can't figure it out. With all of the challenges I do have I've learned how to hide. I do know how much worse the disabilities could be. For that I'm grateful.
In some ways it's exciting finding out who I really am and that I'm by no means the person I thought I was. Over the past few months I've been told that I'm dynamic, talented and that I have carisma. Shit, I've even been told I'm sexy!!!! I'm sort of thinking I'm like a caterpillar coming out of a cocoon.